Last night in class, while reading samples of Writings, we read Proverbs 31:10-29 which is an ode to women and is traditionally sung by husbands to their wives on Shabbat. It’s absolutely beautiful and touching. I won’t repost the entire piece because it’s quite long, but here are some excerpts:
Her [a wife’s] value is far beyond that of pearls. Her husband trusts her from his heart, and she will prove a great asset to him. She works to bring him good, not harm, all the days of her life. […] It’s still dark when she rises to give food to her household and orders to the young women serving her. She considers a field, then buys it, and from her earnings she plants a vineyard. […] She sees that her business affairs go well. […] When it snows, she has no fear for her household; since all of them are doubly clothed. […] Clothed with strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come. When she opens her mouth, she speaks wisely; on her tongue is loving instruction. […] Her children arise; they make her happy; her husband too, as he praises her: “Many women have done wonderful things, but you surpass them all!”
It’s so wonderful that wives are appreciated in Judaism for everything they do, even if some of this piece is a little sexist in that a woman is an “asset” to a man and is to, you can say, “serve” him. But you have to consider the historical context in which this was written, and I still think it’s remarkable that women are an “asset” that is greatly appreciated. In fact the husband is to reciprocate and make her happy by praising her. We also have to note that women had their own earnings and were the ones responsible for things like ordering the servants, buying fields, and seeing to the family’s business affairs, which is actually quite a progressive and even feminist concept.
Our Rabbi mentioned that since women are expected to do so much for their households, they are not expected to partake in all of the mizvot that men are to do; for example they don’t need to pray as often. This reminded me of when I visited the Kotel, or Western Wall, in Jerusalem over a year ago, and I and the rest of my group noted that the women’s section (women and men pray separately) is much smaller than the men’s (though because of this it was a bit crowded). Our tour guide explained that this is because women don’t have to come pray as often, because they honor God in their everyday lives by fulfilling other mitzvot such as cooking kosher meals and raising their children Jewishly.
So you could interpret this division of requirements as actually egalitarian and in a way feminist. Yes, women and men have separate roles and women are expected to be very domestic. But the religion respects and appreciates this and doesn’t expect as much of them in other areas of observance.
My Jewish Journey 
I adore this idea, too. It’s not done in the Liberal streams very often here in the UK, but I still find the idea of the husband showing his appreciation to his wife in such a special way just beautiful (desipite my fierce feminist streak!) The idea of the wife “serving” the husband, though, is definitely more linked to the time it was written. I don’t find the passage insulting to a woman’s femininity at all and would still condone its use. It could perhaps be edited to fit in with the views of the day but otherwise I still think it’s a very beautiful ritual.
Partly why I chose Liberal Judaism was its commitment to allowing both men and women to have equal participation in synagogue life and its dedication to equality. Your comment about the division in the Orthodox world and about how the women aren’t expected of much actually made me stop and think. Are they not expected to do much because they already do so much in the home, or are they not expected to do much because they lack the capabilities?
Great post.
Well my impression is that the women aren’t expected to do much in terms of synagogue life because they already do so much in the home. Or at least that’s one of the reasons. Maybe they also didn’t think they had the capabilities, but they did believe they had other capabilities, such as business acumen and savvy in running the household. In fact in the old days in Europe, it was common for the wives to work and run the family business so that their husbands could concentrate on Torah study. I think it says a lot that people believed in the women’s ability to both do housework AND be in charge of the finances.
[…] mentioned visiting the Kotel, or the Western Wall, in my last post, so I wanted to expound on that experience a bit. This was about a year and a half ago toward the […]
It isn’t Jewish, but there is a beautiful novel written by Kaye Gibbons called “A Virtuous Woman” inspired by that passage.